Oh Naomi...

(photo credit: Daily Mail.co.uk)

 

Oh Naomi ... sigh.

Why black women just won't leave weave alone, nuh?

It is bad enough that you have pleaded guilty yet again to pelting hand (and apparently foot and spit too for good measure) in someone. As an islandista-by-extraction you are making it bad for us and let us not even start to talk about how you live down to the 'violent yardies' stereotype. I swear you were a garrison don in another life.

But this here hair is truly a crime Ms. Campbell. It nuh mek it.

What have all the years of weave done to your hairline? It seems like it has picked up, packed up and abandoned you. It is truly painful to see.

Truth be told - I never got the appeal of weave, even before I went natural and grew dreads. I used to love me some braids, but weave on the other hand seemed a step too far - like you were trying to make out that this was your real hair.  Hence all the destructive extra effort at bonding and blending it into one's own hair - the glue, the stitching etc.  Before anyone asks ... I saw braids kind of like make-up - obviously not real and obviously there for adornment. I don't think someone could anymore mistake my old school 'Patra' braids for being my real hair than they could think my lips are fire-engine red.

Weave on the other hand ...hm! Not only did it seem phony but it seemed to damage hair so much more quickly.

My grouse with so many of us sisters (not just islandistas - black women the world over are guilty of this) is that so often the weave looks patently, painfully fake and 'weavy'. Even famous women who could and should be able to afford better seem to fall into this trap. Beyonce, raise yuh hand ... you too Serena!

Let's not even get into the chicks on the street who have a set of gel and black dye down their foreheads so as to help the big, thick weave track in the middle of their head 'blend' in better. Really ... why? It just doesn't look cute.

But back to the world's baddest (in so many ways) black supermodel and her dearly departed hairline - also known as traction alopecia. I find this is so common among islandistas and other sisters and not just older women who have had a lifetime of mashing up their hair. I see young women, girls in secondary school, whose hairlines are crying out to 'give us us free' from the abuse.

And truth be told, there are a lot of wild, untrained people running about the place calling themselves hairdressers. Women who will yank your hair so hard that the roots will be popping up around the edges (that actually happened to me once - not me and she again!) and who will fry and dye your hair into oblivion even as there are fewer and fewer scraps to torture. Even us naturalistas cannot escape. I see plenty people with locks whose hairlines are receding from locticians who put too much pressure on it when palm-rolling it or who interloc it too tight - and it happens to men and women. I talk about Naomi but has anyone noticed the horror that is Beenie Man's hairline? No? Take a look ...

(photo credit: Rastaslice.com)

But a true that patch could be male pattern baldness or maybe D'Angel pull out some locks in a fight or something ...

Anyhow, it is not  a cute look. Hopefully Naomi can still do something about it. She certainly has enough money to consult with a quality trichologist and save her scalp.

And if any of you islandistas out there are suffering ... check out one of the trained professionals from the Caribbean Association of Professional Trichologists (CAPT). Founded in Barbados in 2001 by Guyanese-born Carole Williams, there are members all over the region. No official website but here are some links to guide you in the way you should go.

Kyk-over-Al: Trichologist at Large

Trinidad Guardian - Making her Vision a Reality

Trinidad Guardian - Cosmetologist Patricia Neptune Promotes Healthy Haircare

No, no a thousand times no...

(photo credit: WireImage.com)

Oh dear...

Ri-ri, tell us your stylist made you do it.

Because we have seen you evolve from a teenybopper into a fashionista and trendsetter par excellence and as islandistas, we have been proud of you. You have been a great standard-bearer for all true islandistas, killing it with your fashion choices and got the Yankee girls seething with envy.

So wha de ... (all kinda claat) is dis? WHA UM IS?

The pleather ... ok, ok leather cos we know you can afford it ... pants are one thing.

The hugely ruffled shirt that seems about to devour you is another.

But the cop hat? That is something that we don't even want to know about.

Is there some kinky sub-text here we're missing? I mean ... we did see where you said you like to take some of your stage costumes home and you know ... we cheered! 'Yeah girl! Get in dey!' ... that's something we would do you know. But you know ... at home. Not on the red carpet.

This look ... is not on Ms. Fenty. It is not on at all.

However, considering your previous stellar track record, we'll let it slide - but just once. Don't let it happen again, yuh hear?

Take my money, damn it!

Update #1: July 4, 2008 - More than two weeks later... I STILL ain't got the card. Hmph!

I am a rather pissed off islandista right about now. For the past SEVEN WEEKS now I have been trying to apply for a credit card.

Yes, seven weeks. Am I credit risk you may ask? Do I have a crippling addiction or bad credit or a poor job record or a low salary or a conviction for identity theft?

Nay - far from it. I have a great credit rating, I have a good job, making good money and since I finished my first degree 5 years ago I have been out of work a grand total of 2 months. The first was after I finished my first degree - within a month after finishing uni, I had 3 job offers. The second was after finishing my graduate degree - I already had a job offer which I came home for (and had left another job for), I had a part-time job and I was just waiting for the HR at my new job to sort out the details of my contract and send them so I could get going.

Yet... YET! I realise I have to jump through all kinds of hoops to get credit because banks and lending agencies in this region seem to be so damn conservative.

Take my credit card experience. I have finally... finally decided to get into the 21st century (20th really) and get a credit card because it has become aggravating (and a bit embarassing) having to beg my mum to use her credit card every time I want to buy something online. Which is often in this day and age - everything is bought online now - books, clothing, my computer, airline tickets, carnival costumes. If I could do it all with my debit card, I so would because I am not hype about the idea of credit cards, truth be told. I don't like the idea of spending money I technically do not have. Anyhoo ... I am a pretty good manager of my money (some might even say thrifty) so I figured that I should put my fears to rest and get a card.

Because I had only been in my present job for 10 months when I applied for the card instead of the magic number of 12 months I had to get a guarantor, in the form of my mother. How mortifying! Especially since I had been continually employed for the last 18 months before I applied - and I had not been fired, I quit one job to take up a better paying job. This, I thought was a wise move - the kind of thing that makes lenders salivate at the prospect of putting you in their debt.

Moreover I had been employed by the same place for 2 straight years before that with the year break being for study. So in all I had been gainfully and continually employed for three and a half years before I applied for the card.

Yet ... hoops. Because I had not reached the magic number.

So I found out about the need for a guarantor about 2 weeks after I had applied - when I thought my application was merrily winging its way to the card centre.

So I skipped through that hoop, dragged my poor mother to the bank, made her late for work and got the guarantor sign formed with all the pomp and circumstance as if it were a $50 000 student loan I was getting rather than a credit card with the minimum possible balance. stupppppsssssssssse...

Another two weeks elapsed. I called to check on the progress of the card  only to find out it had "only just been approved" (brr?) and 'sent back down' to the initial officer I dealt with and sent to the far away card centre "just yesterday" (wha?!). This time, a month and some has gone. The clothes I had squirrelled away in virtual baskets from Forever 21 and Old Navy and ASOS are probably not even in style anymore!

Yet I wait. And today I get a call. The card centre has my application (ah good!) but they need more stuff (wtf?). An ID card and stamp duty.

I mean ... yuh couldn't tell me that beforehand? I got to go in town again? Y'all feel this is really how I want to spend my lunch hour?

But this is not the first time I have had to jump through hoops. I am in the process of getting a car right now and when I went to get my financial clearance, the nice accountant man cautioned me that since I had not been shackled to one employer for at least 3 years I might need to pay a higher deposit ... like twice as much (all kinda claat).

For a CAR you know. Tangible collateral that you could take back if tings get funny. THREE YEARS you know. What person in their mid-20s has worked at the same place for 3 years straight? Moreover, in this globalised day and age, with so much competition for talent and a global talent shortage (and we in the Caribbean have an even more serious talent shortage than the rich northern countries bitching about it - cos they are the ones scooping up our people) who really stays loyal to one employer for a long time? All that does is make them complacent.

One good thing though - the Caribbean could never have a credit crisis like in the US. Bankers and lenders frighten to put people in debt - they does have to think long, long and hard, hard about it. Silly me, I thought was the whole meaning of their existence.

It's ridiculous. They should be begging to get me in debt. I'm young, well educated, childless for now, making good money - I ent got a ting to spend my money on. You would feel they would be delighted that I approach them for something that will make them money.

But no, we have to have a dozen hoops for people to hop through first.

Artistry vs. sexy - the mas dilemma

Beautiful ... but artistic?

(photo credit: Baje International)

It is getting close to the summer Carnival season in the Caribbean and its diaspora. In the next few months, St. Vincent, St.Lucia, Barbados, Antigua, Grenada, Toronto, London and New York will all hold carnivals (whew!)

Which brings the modern reveller to the eternal dilemma - do they choose artistry - the band leaders that will actually try to depict a theme and take time over creating costumes that will represent that theme?

Or do they choose sexiness - the band leaders of the most popular, thousands-strong bands who will glam up their bikinis with the most gorgeous and expensive beads, appliques and feathers but whose dedication to a theme extends only as far as to come up with some kind of name to go with the different sections that are defined almost solely by their colour.

To be honest, I cannot remember the theme that was depicted in the last several carnivals I jumped in - not in Barbados, nor in Trinidad. I remember the colours of each costume but not the theme the colours were supposedly depicting.

Take for instance, Barbados' Cable & Wireless Contact - one of the first major bands to launch in that island for the Crop-Over festival. The costumes are gorgeous and the entertainment on the road is going to be fantastic - Machel and Krosfyah. But what do the costumes with vague names like Radiance and Sensuous and Sassy and Virtuous really mean? What is the connection to the particular colour choices and so on?

As someone who appreciates West Indian culture and the specific artistry of the Carnival tradition it's bothering to me that I'm part of the bikinis and beads brigade that may well be stifling the life out of the true mas.

For this reason, some designers like Trinidad's Brian McFarlane have turned away from the bikinis and beads trend in recent years and gone in for more dramatic depictions like his 2005 Carnival presentation 'The Washing' (pictured below).



But ... the thing about costumes that are artistic is that they are often... well, a lot of cloth. Who wants to be covered up on Carnival/Crop-Over/Caribana/Labour Day? It's about freeing up and 'playing yuhself' as  Trinis would like to say.

When I see McFarlane's costumes on the road when I was playing mas in Trinidad I am awestruck - this I thought, was true 'high mas'. But in the boiling humidity, I was glad to be just be observing such costumes, not wearing them. Besides, my bikinis and beads were sexy!

I keep thinking there must be some happy medium. There must be out there costumes that satisfy my artistic conscience and my desire to be sexy and have minimal cloth to carry around on the road.

There are some bands that I find have done so in recent years, though none yet in my homeland unfortunately - it seems to be a straight toss-up between true artistry and sexiness here. You get either or, but not both.

However, one band I find has been pretty good with this has been Trinidad's Carnival Tribe. Their 2007 presentation 'Ole Time Someting Come Back Again' was great in my estimation. The outfits were sexy yet they had a true voice and you could see what they were depicting. Yet it was not over the top or cheesy with the depictions of old time mas characters like the Red Indian, Pierrot Grenade, Fancy Sailor and the  Midnight Robber.

Take a look.

I thought it was a pretty heartening sign. I was kind of disappointed when the next year they went back to gorgeous costumes that didn't really mean anything or attempt to depict anything. Like this one from their 2008 presentation Myths and Magic, which was called Mystique.



Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking modern day bandleaders for what they do ... or at least, I'm trying not to knock them too hard. It would be hypocritical of me because I do jump in their bands every year and I know it's just business. I have spoken with them and they get it - many of them came up in the carnival tradition, used to be active members of bands where they would actually help make their own costumes, enjyoing the camraderie and the smell of hot glue in the mas camps. But they are also businessmen and women and Carnival is a huge business nowadays.

I just wish that more bandleaders would find that happy medium that Tribe found in 07. I think it can be done. What says you islandistas?

The extra-fly future First Lady Obama

So Barack Obama finally won the Democratic presidential nomination last night - and I'm thrilled! Like many others in the Caribbean, this is one US presidential race I have been following avidly and I think we all feel a bit invested in his historic campaign and proud of what he has accomplished and what it symbolises, especially for us on this side of the Atlantic Ocean who are haunted by the legacy of slavery.

But can we focus for just a second... on the fly, fabulous and fierce Mrs. Michelle Obama? She has always been striking, graceful and elegant but she outdid herself with the nomination dress last night.

A vibrant royal purple shift with a slightly edgy studded (? I think) black patent leather belt, it complemented Michelle perfectly. It showed off her great trim shape (apparently she gets up at 4:30 several mornings a week to exercise ... I feel like such a slob) and fantastic arms.

Someone on a Caribbean message board even commented that the dress was symbolic, since Barack often speaks of there being "no red states and blue states but the United States". Red and blue makes purple ... hey it's not my theory, I'm just reporting what was said!

Apparently Mrs. Obama's style go-to woman is Chicago designer Maria Pinto who must be getting a fair bit of interest these days, judging by the responses of many other commentors I've seen online. 

More pics of the dress below with close-ups so you can see the detail on the belt.

(photo credit:Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images North America)

(photo credit:AP Photo/Chris Carlson)